Can’t Lose What You Never Had (part7)

The End of the Beginning

It was just when I got home from university one day that I overheard the conversation. The professor canceled the last class of the day, so I get to go home pretty early. I even remember to fill up the gas tank on my car. I’m not one who remember those kind of annoying details, mind you. Usually I look for a gas station only when I see beeping light on my dashboard.

See the thing is, I need to pass by my sister’s room to reach my room and they seem to be chatting pretty close to the door when I walked past, so I could still overheard them even though the door’s closed.

“…. but I told him I love someone else…”

The owner of the voice was Meg. It was definitely her. I’m sure of it.

That realization only made it that much interesting for me. My leg is practically glued to the floor.

“Well, what matters is that you like him now right?” came the reply from my sister.

“….” couldn’t quite hear what the reply to that is, though my ears are stuck to the door now.

“I dunno what you like so much about him though, he’s a good-for-nothing idiot after all…”

Who’s the idiot???? What was that about?

“Don’t talk about him like that! He’s an amazing person. He’s been very kind to me,”

“And that’s why you like him so much?”

“Eh?”

“If so, it could be anybody right? Everyone in your class is nic-”

“No! You’re wrong! That’s… that’s wrong…”

I’ve heard her talk so passionately only once before. The first night I met her. The night my sister cried her heart out. It was to defend someone.

“… sorry…. didn’t mean…. he’s important to me too…. ” I could only hear part of my sister’s reply. My head practically went blank after that.

I don’t remember getting out of the house, much less getting in my car and driving around, but when I regain my senses the stars are shining brightly and the gas tank’s almost empty. What woke me up from my trance was my cellphone ringing.

Ah… It’s Anna.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Charlie? Thank God, you finally pick up. We were considering calling the police you know. Where are you? It’s past midnight and you’re not home yet, everybody’s worried sick,”

It’s that late already? I looked at the digital watch inside my car. It showed 1 o’clock. ‘Ahh, so I’ve been driving that long,’ says a voice at the back of my head.

“I’ll be right back,” I said absentmindedly and just hung up the phone. I drove back home and head straight to my room after apologizing to my parents for making them worry.

“Have you been crying?” said Anna from outside her door. I didn’t even realize she’s been standing there.

I unconsciously touch my cheek and felt dried tears on it. So I was crying? I never remember crying before. Guys don’t cry. Right?

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No… not really. I’m fine.” It sounded fake even for me. I started to walk past her.

“Idiotic brother! Do you know Meg was here too? She was worried sick you know!” she kicked my legs, making me drop to the floor.

“Meg’s here?” I felt a small pinch on my heart upon hearing her name.

“Yea, sh- wait! No way… you like her?” she said.

Am I that easy to figure out?

“No way… both of you… really…” she said, taking a seat next to me.

“You should just confess already,” she said, looking straight to my eyes.

“But… doesn’t she like someone else already?” I heard myself say.

“Wha? Oh, the one she told you about? That’s old story.”

“No! Not that! The one she’s talking about today -” I slipped.

“You were eavesdropping?” she looked at me suspiciously.

“No! I only overheard that bit!” It’s kind of too late to defend myself though, I pretty much confessed my crime already. I averted looking into her eyes and look down on my knees.

I didn’t hear a reply for a while, but then I felt myself kicked on the side and looked at my sister, who already stood up.

“Are you an idiot? What kind of a lame excuse is that? You’re acting like a coward who’s afraid of rejection, you know that! Did you feel better knowing she has someone she likes? All the more stupid reason to not say anything, isn’t that it? Do you really like her?”

“Stop it! I do like her!” I stood up too out of emotion. “It’s because I like her so much I don’t want things to change between us…” I can even hear my own voice falters.

….

“You can’t lose what you never had. Geez, you truly are a good-for-nothing idiot!” she storm off to her room, closing her door harshly.

That was just like my sister, to be mad and ramble and just storm off like that… she was right though, of course. I’m a coward. But not anymore.

Tomorrow I will confess. I will tell her how I feel about her, because she was the one who taught me of love.

It’s not the pain I felt when I heard you love someone else.

It’s the joy my heart felt when I see you.

It’s not the tears I shed for you.

It’s how my eyes seem to follow you.

It’s how my heart skips a beat when you smile.

It’s how happy I am when I hear you say my name.

Love is how much my heart want to tell you…

“I love you”.

– The End –